he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize