Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
