So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
