all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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