I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
