if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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