I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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