I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
