There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can I color on your dick again?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
