hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just pee around me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
