these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize