Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
