my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
