I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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