hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're like the curious george of whores
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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