4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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