Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
