dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
