I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
