I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
