I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
