Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
