the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So squirting runs in the family.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
