If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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