ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
