i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
