sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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