look no pants
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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