So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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