Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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