too bad you live with your parents still
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
