Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
