your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
