; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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