Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
