If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
