"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
