i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
