I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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