I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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