Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
