I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
