Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
