my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
