remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
