she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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