just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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