Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
