did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
