So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
