Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
