can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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