We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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