They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
