Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
