If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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