I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
