i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
