On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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