chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
