I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
