Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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