I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
