dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
