was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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