It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
