I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
