Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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