i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
