never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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