I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
