she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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