i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
