Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
