He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
